Reality Check

My kids live in a fantasy world.

Their world is comprised of things to play with, full stomachs, a cozy home, and little to no hardship. Some say this is good, and is their reality, and that they are entitled to a life like this. What could I possibly mean by “fantasy world?”

Two reasons. First, most of the children on earth can only fantasize about having the comfortable life that my kids enjoy. Second, while my kids live in their fantastic “reality,” ironically they spend their free time visiting even more fantastic worlds through books, movies, TV, and computer games. Again, what is wrong with that? Shouldn’t I foster their imagination?

Here is what I think is wrong. A trend is emerging for young adults to be unable to cope with real life, so they turn to self-destructive behaviors or rely on medication to function (see my previous blogs for the research on this). One possible contributor to their inability to cope is having been raised for 15 – 20 years in the fantasy world I described above. This trend is affecting kids from good homes – like the one in which my kids are living. Between their good life and the even more fun life to which they escape, they rarely develop the resilience to withstand even the normal hardships life brings.

Here is an example: a few weeks ago, a friend and I came across a documentary called “Life in a Day” and decided to watch it. It followed the lives of diverse people around the world on July 24, 2010. Throughout the film, they showed a series of clips from people who don’t live in poverty or who are not in difficult circumstances, and what were these people talking about? They complained about the most trivial things. The topics they discussed revolve around their “toys,” from cell phones to Lamborghinis. One person was so attached to these gadgets that she even said “My iPod is my soul.” Between these clips, the film portrayed the lives of people undergoing hardships and trying to survive in third world countries. In one of these clips you see a single father with all his children living in an abandoned, broken down room behind a cemetery. This is what he talks about:

This widower has much more right to complain than those who are living well, yet he is grateful that he is still alive and turns to God in the midst of his difficulty. Unfortunately I can’t draw conclusions regarding why he is able to cope so well with his suffering from a 60 second clip. However, it is clear that he has somehow learned to deal with hardship better than those with petty difficulties, like a person whose cell phone apps are not working properly. Why is that? Could it be he has built up resilience to suffering because he hasn’t spent his life indulging himself and escaping into self-indulgent entertainment?

We have done experiments in previous months to help my kids get grounded in reality, such as serving in a homeless shelter, supporting two children from third world countries, finding happiness in something other than themselves, etc. But what if for one month, they weren’t allowed to “escape” further via books or visual media? Could they handle that? Can they appreciate how 90% of the world has to live, and 99% of the world throughout history? How did others cope when hardships came up? Will we see the entitlement monster crop up in their attitudes if they can't "escape"? Are my kids lives grounded enough that they don’t feel entitled to keep playing their games and watch cartoons? What this will look like in practical terms is that the kids will only read books or watch shows (or movies) that depict real real-life situations dealing with life’s true hardships. In other words, goodbye Eragon and hello Diary of Anne Frank.

I should confess that I am no stranger to escapism. When something hard comes up, I fight the urge to watch a movie, sipping a glass of wine, and disappear for a while. But that does little to make the problem go away. What HAS worked is talking with a friend, understanding my identity in Christ, reading my bible, and seeking the Lord to help me persevere. But the second path is a hard one to choose when you have been conditioned your whole life to go down the ‘escape-into-my-fantasy-world’ path.

Additionally, this isn’t an experiment designed to abolish imagination or a great story. I am a creative type myself and could never attempt to stamp out my family’s imaginations. The point of the experiment is to derail the fantasy train that they so happily ride in order to see how they react. I don’t want them to become dependent on escapist entertainment, or over-use this coping mechanism when things get tough in their life.

So sayonara escapism, at least to the degree us parents can control. See you in March (hopefully with a better perspective on where you fit in life)!